If you were around last week you may have read the letter I wrote to my 17 year old self. This week I’m tackling a letter to my future self, which is actually quite a difficult thing to do now that I sit here trying to find the words. I mean how do you write about a future that is yet to be determined? How to you cross bridges that aren’t even built or discuss paths still undiscovered? You can’t. One can only hope the future turns out as close to the envisaged plan as possible. And that is how I’ve tackled this letter. I wonder how I will feel reading back on this in five years’ time?
Dear future me,
Wow! It’s hard to believe you are almost 45. That sounds so old. Remember when you were a teenager and anyone over 30 was ‘old’? Well I guess you are officially ‘old’ then! Although, I know you are still young at heart, which sounds cliched but often it feels like you never passed 27.
Life has brought so many changes over the past five years. Miss J and Miss S are now out of home and discovering the world through adult eyes. How wonderful is it to be so proud of your step-daughters and so fortunate to be a part of their lives. The young women they have grown into are testament to the role you played in their upbringing, although you will never admit it.
Miss T is now well in truly blossoming into a full grown teen, half way through high school. She’s challenging at times, but still a beautiful, sensitive soul and growing into an amazing young lady. Each and every day you are amazed at how this part of you, your flesh and blood grows and changes.
Miss E will be in high school next year. Your baby. All grown up. Almost. You continue to be blown away by her charisma and infectious personality. The next years watching her through her teens will be filled with so many highs, and no doubt a few lows.And you wonder if the world will be ready for her when she is unleashed?
And you. How hard you have worked. You never really sit down and take in everything you do for your family. What mother does?
As with all mothers, you are the wearer of so many hats; taxi and chauffeur service, cook, cleaner, chief clothes washer, and finder of all things missing. Hugs that fix a thousand woes and so many countless other things. Some would say you are tireless, but you know all too well that tireless is just a dream! Oh how you wish you were tireless. Being tired is just part of who you are. You’ve come to accept that. What’s that old saying? “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” But really you should stop more often and just be. Promise me you will?
The last five years have seen you achieve so much outside of being ‘just a mum’. You’ve regained your identity, although maybe ‘regain’ isn’t the right word. Found yourself.
Deep down you always knew you were meant to be someone. Everybody is. But that can get lost underneath the blankets that life throws over you year after year.Days roll into months and months into years and sometimes it feels like you aren’t in control of your destiny. But you had patience. You faced challenges, you did what had to be done. You grounded yourself appreciating the best in each moment. Appreciating the small often forgotten moments that are the most important. And then waited for the right moment and you worked hard.
You took on your fears. It wasn’t easy. At times you wanted to give up. Throw it all in and get a normal job. At times your fears yelled so loud at you, you wanted to pull the doona over your head and hide from the world. There were days you did. Days when you didn’t want to get out of bed. But you did.
You faced those fears, sat next to them and accepted them. And look how it’s paid off? You have an amazing portfolio of published articles, a thriving copywriting business and are close to a publishing deal for your first book.
There were times when you thought that book wouldn’t happen. When you began you only ever believed it was just a dream. One that so many chase aimlessly. But deep down you knew it would happen. It was written on your soul. And not it is so close you can touch it. Feel it. Smell it. Wow. Proud doesn’t even cut it on this one.
If I can give you any advice now it would be the same as always. Take the time to slow down and appreciate yourself. I know all you want is for your girls to appreciate you and tell you how much you mean to them. Everything you do is for them. But appreciate yourself. You deserve it.
And Mr. S.
It brings a lump to my throat to the thought how much that man loves you. You know he does. So much more every day. And you have so much more to face, to experience and so many more memories to add to the album of life. Looking back, looking forward, it may not be the most amazing, exciting life but it is full of love, integrity, and value.
And that is all due to you. Smile and be proud. And hug your ones, and yourself. You are amaing. You are enough. Look after yourself, you have so much more to look forward to.So many firsts and lasts. And so many more words to write, literally and figuratively.
What’s the one thing you would tell your future self?