How often does your heart break?

As a working Mum who works both in and out of the home life can be tough. Actually life can be tough for all mothers. Work at home mums, stay at home mums, working out of home mums; just being a mum is plain hard sometimes.

This morning as the older girls were getting ready to go to school, little Miss 4 was trying to get ready for kinder. She was tired, grumpy and had a little runny nose. Not the green snotty stuff, just a clear trickle but enough for me to wonder if I should be sending her. Really, what kid doesn’t have a slight runny nose at this time of year?

So I  mentioned to Miss 4 that maybe she might not be able to go to kinder. She looked at me with her big, blue eyes which started to fill with tears. I gave her a cuddle and she sobbed into my arms. And then she said it. Something that just broke my heart into little pieces and ignited the ‘mummy guilt’ lying just dormant just below the surface as it always does.

‘But mummy you have to go to work and I have nowhere to go. There’s no one to look after me’.

My eyes became hot and watery. She was right. I did have to go to work. I work on the days she has kinder and running my own retail business I can’t just call in sick and it is hard to get my only casual worker at short notice. She was right. She didn’t have anywhere to go. She would have to come with me.

But it wasn’t the fact that all plans were up in the air, it was the fact that my little girl felt she had nowhere to go. What a heartbreaking thing for a child. For my child. For any child.

Sometimes I hate that I work out of the time. Sometimes I hate that I work. I just want to be there for my girls and sometimes I can’t.

Motherhood is hard. Life is hard. And it breaks my heart every now and then.

 

Do you struggle with mummy guilt?

I’ve decided to link up with Essentially Jess with IBOT (I blog on Tuesdays) as I do blog on Tuesdays so why not? I’m not normally a linky writer but I do enjoy reading so many wonderful posts over there on Tuesdays. Pop on over and see what I mean.