I’ve just completed the basic edit of the first draft of my manuscript. I guess this means I now have a second draft.
I’m not sure how to process the feelings I’m experiencing right now. It’s totally different to how I felt when I finished the first draft. Back then there was elation, fist pumping, floating on clouds but this time it’s different.
My novel is a pretty involved story. Involved in emotion, struggle and matters of the heart. People either love or hate this type of novel. If you get it right, the people who love it will absolutely adore it.
I must be a tad masochistic. I enjoy, for use of a better word, the intricacy found in deep emotions. The struggle between the heart and the head and our dreams and reality. My story is along those lines. It’s like riding an emotional roller-coaster with more ups than downs. The ups representative of trying times, uphill battles and emotions impossible to deal with rather than the exhilaration and thrill of the down.
This redraft has been such an emotional process. I am overcome with the feeling of wanting to sob. One of those snivelly, deep sobs where you have to catch your breath in short sharp bursts so you don’t feint.
Reading through my manuscript again after letting it simmer for months was surprisingly emotional for me. I live and breathe these characters. Every time they struggle with hurt and pain I struggle. I feel each emotion as if I were living it right now as it were growing inside me. Even though I know as the writer what is going to happen, as the reader I feel it.
I hope it’s a good thing.
I hope it translates to the future readers of my book. That they feel it. That they are convinced to invest enough in my characters to feel.
Time will tell.
Until then, I think I’m almost ready to hand over my manuscript to my mentor to critique. It will be like handing over a child on their first day of school. I know I have to trust in myself that I’ve done all I can to prepare my ‘baby’ for it’s next steps. I have to trust the mentor, the ‘teacher’ with my baby that they will nurture and treat it with love and respect. And I have to prepare for feedback, the good and the bad in order for my baby to grow into something than can stand on it’s own two feet and stand proud.
For now I will let the emotions wash through me then pack them up neatly and tie them with a bow.
And go and have a good cry in the shower.