When it’s not all roses

dead rose

 

Here on the blog I tend to write more about the positives. Not because it’s all roses, because it isn’t, but just because I think having a positive attitude is a good thing.

But sometimes, the cracks start to appear.

Sometimes I slip back into the realms of overwhelm and become fed up with, well, life.

We all have days that don’t go too well. The good thing is, the sun always dawns again bringing hope for a better day tomorrow. But sometimes, you have days in a row that don’t go to plan. When to-do lists begin to mount up and busyness steps back into the spotlight.

And while I love being busy and having a full, but not hectic schedule, there are times when I lose sight of myself.

At the moment, each day seems to be blending into the next in a, hazy fog. My thoughts race at night keeping me awake, there never seems to be even close to enough time in the day and guilt takes residence on my shoulder.

If anyone I knew were in the same situation, I’d say – Stop. Slow down. Take a moment. Breathe.

But we all know, sometimes that just isn’t possible. Sometimes, no matter how intentional you are with keeping on top of life, and planning a balanced schedule, it just doesn’t happen.

So today I feel like chucking it all in. Well, not all of it. Just some things.

Like my copywriting. As much as I love it, sometimes it gets in the way. Which sounds rather odd seeings it’s my job and all. But being my own boss, also allows my thoughts to go off on the tangent of ‘just give it all away’. I don’t need to work. I earn an income from our company/hubby’s business for the book-work I do, hubby is busy and bills are being taken care of. Not easily, but manageably. For this, of course I’m grateful, lucky even.

And on days like this I could just walk away.

Imagine if the ten to fifteen hours a week I spend on my business could be spent on my creative writing – the thing I want more than anything in the world! It doesn’t sound like a lot, but what a difference it would make.

But then I wonder, on days like these, would I feel the same about my creative writing? Would I want to give it all away then too?

I know this is just a day, or maybe a few weeks of turbulence that I’ll get through. I know this.

So much is going on at the moment with school holidays, renovating, the upcoming move, dance commitments, social engagements. I know it’s probably just my introversion speaking, screaming No! Get me out of here! Leave me alone!

And I know it will pass.

But still, it doesn’t make today, right here, right now any better.

Nope. It ‘aint all roses. At least not today.